Social media was one of the most used platforms to find out information about the Boston Marathon explosion.
I asked myself, “Where do you go wrong?”. It wasn’t the first time I had asked myself and wondered why I couldn’t meet the face that connected with mine. Until, that one day I realized I was dating many different men with many faces but in all honesty were the same person. They came light skin, dark skin, and swagged out, I found something I called special in each of these many faces but which always ended up in heart break. Just to realized they all did break my heart or leave me damaged but it was the result of me and my constant choice of the same person. I have only ever loved one type of man that is the reason I have one type of hurt. The five or six men who hurt me all had one thing in common but I know put many faces to the hurt because I can’t accept that I was the result of my wrong.
The fact that Halle Berry is 45 and has now found love (depending on how long it actually last) makes me fear my future. ..Especially because a boy said to me yesterday, I don’t deal with pretty girls for too long because y’all are emotionally unstable. I didn’t take that as a compliment.
I wonder if a time would come that I will be happy with every aspect of my life. I will enjoy every moment to my best ability. I am always reliving the past which makes it hard to enjoy the future. I can never move past my emotions. At 22 years old I am still hurting from things that happened at 16. I desperately want to learn how to grow because its hard when you don’t know how to let your hurt go. Six years I have been carrying around this pain. How do I learn how to grow from it when the root of that pain stares me in my face every time I meet someone of the opposite sex. I’ve been searching for one thing and its love. For some reason this is a driving force within my life. Why? I don’t know. I just feel like I have so much of it to share. I say I want to share it with the right one but constantly entertain the wrong one. Why is that? Maybe because for that limited yet very short time I gain a sense of happiness. A happiness that slips away faster than I encountered it. So, I know its not worth it. So, I wonder if that time will ever come….
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